Bet you’d watch these brand new TV shows…
As soon as I’m back at work from maternity leave, I’m pitching these bad boys to the development team (the whizzes who come up with new TV shows). You’re welcome guys.
The Great British Cake Stuff. Marquee based format, where contributors inhale the most cake possible whilst supervising their kids in the soft play area and trying to hold a conversation about school Ofsted reports.
Grand Designs (On Life). Interview based show where parents talk about how ambitious they used to be and what they used to aspire to before kids.
Come W(h)ine With Me: children compete to out-whine each other for Haribo and parents compete to drink as much Merlot as possible over one tea-time period.
Strictly. Documentary following the strictest parents in the country in sequinned Lycra.
The REAL Real Housewives of Cheshire: Liverpudlian ‘Soccer Moms’ drinking tea in their pyjamas and shouting at the kids. Just that.
FasterChef. Kitchen based competition, where we see which parent can whip up a beige teatime winner in the quickest time.
The Only Way is No Sex. The new ‘Supernanny’ where yet to be discovered new presenting talent visits struggling parents across the country to advocate the best way to not have badly behaved kids.
Judge Linda. A mum called Linda bitching about the way everyone else parents. Alternatively, a panel judging the way a different Mum called Linda each week parents her children.
Four in A Bed. Night-time shenanigans caught on camera as the whole family end up in one bed by morning.
Babies at First Sight. Ramping ‘Married at First Sight’ up a gear. Constructed documentary following couples meeting, marrying and being handed a new baby (perhaps twins?) on the same day.
The Real Game of Thrones. Following the trials and tribulations of teaching your own little John Snow how to ditch nappies.
DIY: FFS. Parents go head to head in an Ikea kids’ bedroom flatpack challenge in which there is only one rule: no swearing.
Meal or No Meal. A CBeebies format where children answer homework questions on the spot, and if they get too many wrong, their favourite dinner disappears down a trap door in front of them. (Or gets gunked).
The Secret Life of: Parents. Hidden camera format capturing what parents actually get up to after nursery/school drop off (watch X Factor on catch-up, play x-box, raid fridge).
Which would you watch? Any other suggestions?!