It really hits me on a Tuesday.

It’s just a full-on day – my exercise class, weekly shop and a swimming lesson for M (all a drive away), and more often than not another errand, playdate or cup of tea with someone I’ve been meaning to see for ages. Which I really shouldn’t do when there’s dinner to cook, washing to hang out and blogging to do at home.

You may already know that I’ve found this maternity leave a real juggling act so far, especially as Little P cried non-stop for ten weeks…

But oh, the second child guilt! She spends more time in her carseat than out of it, has catnaps all over the place and just gets to watch either me or big bro from her guilt-funded Lamaze toy cocoon.

I’m constantly lugging that 2 ton seat about, bruising my legs to buggery as I carry her up one more flight of steps with a ‘Come-on Mummy’ing whinger in front.

I wasn’t too silly about perfectly timed naps first time round with M, but if he was sleeping and I didn’t need to go out, I wouldn’t. This time, my poor littlest poppet gets put down for 20 minutes then got back up as we need to go somewhere quick sharp before we’re late. Today, she had her first nap at home, 45 mins as standard, then only 10-15 mins three other times in the car. She is a light sleeper, so is wide awake despite best efforts to carefully unstrap her carseat and tiptoe with her inside the house.

I’m sure this is normal, and to be fair she doesn’t exactly have a choice, but her entertainment is genuinely only us right now. No little music class or baby sensory, and hardly any time with me alone – and certainly not where I’m not picking up Lego, sterilising or madly bunging new nappies and clothes in a bag, calling “Mummy’s coming!”.

Should I be worried? Should I be taking her to classes or cancelling something of M’s or a bit of life admin to spend time with her? I just don’t know. I’m hoping it’s all character building for her. I keep convincing myself she’s getting so much out of watching everything, and adores her big brother – saving the best smiles for him, laughing when he so much as sticks his tongue out and staring in awe at everything he does. But is that just my guilt playing tricks on me?

And you know what? The moment I think she’s on the brink and I run over to give her some attention, instead of kicking off, she melts my heart with a little gurgle or gummy grin. As if to say, “I’m fine Mummy. What are you stressing about? There’s plenty of entertainment in this madhouse!”

I hope so anyway. Please forgive me Little P, your time with Mummy will come! And in the meantime, thanks for being so cool.

The Pramshed

5 Comments

  1. tinmccarthy

    I have this so bad with my twins. They are two and have older sisters that I am running around like mad. On top of that toddler twins are so much more challenging when we are out and about. I have to get this part together!
    #fortheloveofblog

    Reply
  2. Leanne

    My second turned 1 a few weeks ago and the day before her first birthday I realised I had never read her a story. It was a heartbreaking moment and made me cry like a baby. I completely understand your guilt, I have it in bucket loads too but my no 2 is always so happy and content, just like yours, that I try to reassure myself that I must be doing ok. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to make it up to her when her big sisters starts school! #fortheloveofblog

    Reply
    • kimberly

      Ah Leanne! That’s so sad it made you upset, but I’m with you. I’m sure it’s good for them really and they’ll end up more chilled and tolerant because of it 🙂 x

      Reply
  3. Winnettes

    I went through this too. The guilt does subside a little once they are more mobile and vocal because they make sure their older sibling doesn’t get all the attention. Pinky is st preschool 3 mornings a week now so that it’s my theme with Perky. Now I feel bad Pinky doesn’t get one on one time! Ahhhh the guilt…. I wish it would go away!
    #fortheloveofBLOG

    Reply
  4. The Pramshed

    I think it’s only natural to feel like this, I know that a lot of my friends with two feel this way. I wouldn’t worry too much, it sounds like she is just fine and is enjoying watching the world. She’ll be learning loads from her big brother and getting sensory overload from that. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG Claire x

    Reply

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  1. Little P’s first ever solo social: the cringeworthy music class. – Media Mummy - […] I had a pang of the second child guilt this morning, and vowed to take her somewhere while he…

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Who is Media Mummy?

I'm Kimberly, a London/Surrey based juggler of many balls including a TV career, motherhood & this here blog. I seem to write about everything from stain remover to Ed Sheeran’s drinking habits and I have got very good at tuning out Paw Patrol or smelly armpits on the commute to do it.

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