The Noises of Parenting: a silly poem.
Wahh goes the sound of the newborn stirring
Bang goes the sound of the toddler’s drum
OWW yells Dad when he stamps on Lego in the dark
Straiiiin goes the sound of a dirty bum
SHOES! cries Mum grabbing baby who’s crawled off once more
Come ON now PLEASE? Shoving snacks into a bag
Slam slam clunk click brum brum they’re off at last
Just wait until at six o’clock I hand you to your Dad
Mummy Mummy Mummy Mummy 90 times an hour
She snatched the car AGAIN, I was playing with it – MINE!
Dinner ‘eddy? Dinner ‘eddy?” Smash clang mash the pots
Crick-Crack as Mum twists the cap right off the wine
Crunch, munch, What’s for pud? SHHH I’m watching Pointless
A creepy dying battery as a singalong book wails
Splish splash in the bath, calm down now I’m soaking!
The wine and milk’s downstairs oh bums, that’s two big Mummy fails.
Dry dry, brush, sob, chasing down the landing,
Glugging milk and ‘one more page?’ til lights click out
Mwah mwah goodnight kiss, now stay in bed you monkeys
Don’t want to hear you padding ‘cross the landing or I’ll shout
Your day good? My day good? Let’s cook and watch some telly.
The savouring of silence when the monitor shrieks
It must have been so quiet when these kids of ours weren’t here at all
And now we need those panpipes in a spa retreat for weeks.
The kids are sleeping, Netflix on. It’s time to chill, phewee.
One ep down it’s only 10, let’s deffo watch one more!
Despite the bangs of gunshots in that series you’ve been loving
The only noise that’s coming from the sofa is a snore…
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Featured image credit: Shutterstock / NoraVector