Love and social filters.
I just love it when a little person comes out with a totally unprompted ‘I love you’. Recent ones from our household include “I love you in the toilet Mummy”. “I only love Daddy at weekends” (iPad-treat related), “I really love pizza Mummy, I can eat it all day.” “I love [best friend] G, I will miss him when he goes to his new school” (awwww) and various “I love Lamp” moments where he’ll name something he can see, say he loves it and laugh wickedly as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever said.
I wonder at what stage our social filter kicks in? When do we start thinking, “hmm I mustn’t say that in case that person thinks it’s silly/wrong/rude”. I’ve already had a bit of cringeyness in that department when, in a pub, M suddenly said really loudly – “Mummy look! That man is fat”. Awkward. Man in question didn’t hear, but nonetheless there was a quick frantic conversation about being kind to people (read: the new me ‘parenty’ words). But he’s just thinking that Thomas the Tank’s boss is the Fat Controller (well, in the old books we have still), and there are often ‘fat cats’ or ‘short and fat’ rhymes in his books…
Just the other day in the post office queue, he told me he loved me. Ahhh I said, that’s nice – I love you too. And then he smiled. And said it again. And again . And again, really loudly. So everyone heard it each time and I didn’t really know what to say back. I’m ashamed to say it actually got a bit embarrassing! People started smiling and then looking away. But I couldn’t tell him to shush – he was being silly, but it wasn’t like he was whingeing or playing up. He was telling his mummy he loves her, albeit with a devilish look. We got to the counter though soon enough and he turned his affections to a car (standard) on the TV screen advertising insurance.
The newest love affair comes in the small package that is his baby sister. The sibling thing really is the gift that keeps on giving. For the first 3 or 4 months of her life, he just ignored her and cracked on with his own important schedule (cars, Lego, sausage and mash – in that order). But suddenly he’s developed an incredible sense of affection for her and gives her cuddles all the time, tells me ‘Mummy, she’s sooooo cute!’ and gets upset when I have to get her out of the bath because ‘I don’t want her to go to bed Mummy, I love her!’.
I don’t remember anyone telling me how much your heart could swell watching the two little humans you produced interact and start to love each other so unconditionally. I was so engrossed in the worry about looking after two, I forgot they’d develop an unbreakable bond – and I certainly didn’t realise that it starts when they’re so tiny.
I won’t worry about M’s public filter yet though. I’ll take any kind of love he sends or shouts my way, in the toilet or otherwise.
*warm & fuzzy glow*