“It’s like living with a tiny psychopath” – Toddler Tantrum Tales
I was having a gossip with some Mum friends just before our gym class this week (a Power Plates vibrate-your-head-off session, not spinning with the baby for a change). It was that 3 minute Mum to Mum power chat where you offload information fast and hard as the clock is ticking down to a massive tantrum / the baby waking up / a crazy trainer yelling at us.
Apparently it had been was one of ‘those’ weeks for everyone, including cots full of sick, entirely irrational toddler planking in Pret and 4am wake-ups (not to go to the airport on holiday sadly).
One of the most annoying things about demanding little humans is that you just never know how they’re going to react. As my friend quite perfectly put it – “it’s like living with a tiny psychopath”. So in an effort to remain sane and find the funny in the horrendous, I’ve pulled together some of the best (worst?) real stories from the coalface of child rearing this week. Beat these!
“F is the ultimate dictator – she squeezed Ella’s kitchen in my face because she didn’t want me to sing in the car, used a Barbie to hit me because she wasn’t allowed a Barbie Kinder egg, but nothing beats the time she threw a USED potty at me when I said no for no more chocolate! Yikes!”
“How about wanging a toothbrush at my head because the water was too wet? (An electric one too so it really did smart.)”
“My two year old had a proper lie-on-the-ground kicking and screaming mega strop in the middle of Pret because he didn’t want to sit in the big boy chair, he wanted to the high chair his baby brother was in… It was awful – people were trying to have a relaxing Sunday morning coffee and he was just going mental so the baby ended up on the big boy chair… ”
“R had a massive tantrum last night purely because I shook up his milk, and he wanted to shake up his milk. Of course, I should have known!”
“We were walking past a registry office and looking at the wedding party – and T had a tantrum because HE wanted to be the beautiful bride…”
“My toddler went totally mental because he wanted to wear my bra… on par with the time he went bat shit crazy because he wanted to take my boobs off in the shower. I kid you not!”
“We bought him a new pair of shoes. Thought he’d be really excited. But nope – the following morning he refused to put them on, kicked and screamed and went mental because he wanted his old ones! It was a nightmare getting them on as he was throwing himself around. He screamed all the way to nursery. Because of new shoes!”
“Two year old at breakfast. I don’t like milk. Oh ok, let’s tip it out (confused face, but let’s just crack on). Take milk out. Yells: BUT I WANT MILK MUMMY!!”
“How about a complete meltdown because we’d run out of pomegranate to have with his porridge. Could he be more South West London? I felt I couldn’t shop in Waitrose for a while….”
All stories gathered in under an hour. Wow, there are a lot of tiny pyschopaths out there, growing up fast. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Come on, indulge me with your best ever tantrum story below!
Featured image credit: Kamelia Ilieva / Shutterstock