Gardening For Idiots (I mean, people like us)

Mon 13 Mar 17 | Lifestylish, Reviews | 8 comments

We are particularly rubbish at gardening.

I never thought I’d write a post about planting flowers on my blog. Not exactly parenty. Or exciting. Bear with me though, because for that exact reason, this might be right up your street…


Two Summers ago we bought £200 of plants from our local garden centre. Plants we had googled in cluelessness and confusion (search terms: ‘plants for border’ brought up quite a few hits) and names of shrubs given by our parents who all seem to be gardening pros somehow. We wasted a good couple of hours picking up pots and frowning and saying things like ‘this looks a bit like that hydrathingy we want but I’m not sure’, and ‘this section says perennial but none of the labels do?’ and ‘what even is perennial again?’ and ‘COME BACK M – I said don’t go past the terracotta pots!’ and ‘well it looks pretty so surely it’ll be fine?’

Significantly poorer, we got them back home and planted away. Some looked ok eventually, but dominated and hid other littler ones as they grew. Others did nothing much at all except get pooed on by cats. The daisy-like ones went crazy and had a party of their own for most of Summer. The following year though everything had died and we realised quite a few of them were meant for a rockery environment. Oops.


So last year we didn’t do anything about the dead border. We were burnt by spending all that money for nothing, and couldn’t face another painful afternoon at the garden centre choosing more inappropriate plants.

This year we discovered Garden on a Roll. Genius genius genius. It’s basically plant by numbers gardening. Mr Tumble level of thought required, Tom Hardy reads Bedtime Story level of pretty results.  You choose the look you want for your border online – English Cottage / Mixed Shady / Mediterranean, the size of your border, then they send you all the plants and a roll-out biodegradable plan of where to plant them. Garden on a roll, see?


All you have to do is place it on your border, cut out and dig little holes where it tells you to, and plant the corresponding plants with the trowel and gloves provided. Cover up the paper with more soil and – ta dah! Gardening pros!

So easy to get the children involved too. Our little dude loves instructions. Son of an ex-military Dad who operates only via systems and processes, he won’t build any Lego without perusing his carefully preserved leaflets. So this was perfect for encouraging him to get involved! “Which plant goes here Daddy? Here’s C2. Can I cut the holes where it says?” etc.

I love it. This time we were actually excited about gardening, even in the rain. It takes the headache out of not only choosing but also placing the correct plants – type, eventual height and spread, what’s best aesthetically – so hopefully by the Summer we’ll have a beautiful border that will actually come back again next year!

Maybe Tom Hardy could come round and inspect it?

For clarity: this is not a sponsored post and we were normal, paying customers – I just wanted to share what I think is an awesome idea and product. Visit Garden On A Roll for inspiration.


  1. lycrawidow

    This is ace! We’ve just spent £3 on seeds from Aldi, thrown them at the border and now hoping for the best!! But we’re still in Military accommodation, so no need to make a permanent feature just yet! X

    • kimberly

      Save up for when you get your own pad – then you’re sorted! Good luck with the seeds!

  2. stressymama

    This is brilliant. Such a good idea. I need to sort my garden out so something like this would make it so much easier. X

    • kimberly

      Do it do it! I should be on commission ?

      • lycrawidow

        Email them! No harm in asking 😉 x

        • lycrawidow

          Even ask if you can run a giveaway or get freebies. You don’t ask you don’t get and all that x

          • kimberly

            Good advice thank you! X

      • stressymama

        Haha. You should. I’ve never seen anything like that before. Its a really good idea isn’t it. X



  1. I'm still crap at gardening - but you could win a 'Garden on a Roll' border for your school! - Media Mummy - […] make much effort to be brutally honest. And I know many of you feel the same way as my…

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I’m Kimberly, a London/Surrey based juggler of many balls including a TV career, motherhood & this blog malarky. Quite a lot of people follow me apparently, although about 65 million others in the UK don’t. But hey – sometimes the cool crowd is small…


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